There are many schools of thought regarding extramarital affairs. In some circles, affairs are not talked about but are generally accepted as a part of real-life situations, without a lot of moral judgment or disdain. In some circles, an affair is an ultimate betrayal, as warrants a swift and emphatic removal from someone’s life. In others, affairs are painful but accepted, and couples try to move forward in health and forgiveness. No matter the cultural paradigm in real life or personal belief system, certain themes tend to emerge when someone has an affair, many of them transcending age, years of marriage, background, gender, and race.
The actual definition of an affair can vary. An affair is commonly referred to as an intense emotional and romantic relationship with someone other than your partner or spouse. Most affairs do not last for a long period (though there are exceptions to this) and usually happen between two people who are not maritally committed to each other. Affairs may range along a continuum, from emotional affairs to serial affairs, or romantic love affairs, and even long-term affairs which may span for years or even an entire lifetime. The emotional investment of the affair partners depends on what type of affair it is, and the duration of the affair may also depend on several factors. Things aren’t always fixed and a seemingly meaningless affair may transform into a romantic love affair, or an emotional affair may grow to become a long-term affair.
Do Affairs Ever Work? Why You Might be Wasting Your Time
Let’s pose a question: Would you gamble all the money you had at the risk of losing it all? Would you gamble away all your money with a very small chance of winning? Yes, the temporary ‘high” would sure feel good for a while. You might feel more alive than you had in years. It’s the same with affairs. You’re gambling away your relationship, your marriage, and possibly a future with your spouse and children-all in return for a temporary “high”. So, unless you are 100% guaranteed that you will stay with the person you’re having an affair with, and 100% guaranteed that, if there are children involved, that they won’t be negatively affected, then it’s a great bet.
Why? Because the illusion of an affair is based off of lies.
You’ve never been so happy (so you think). The person of your dreams has shown up out of nowhere and has swept you off your feet. They’re perfect (so you think), and you can already see you both growing old and gray together. Well, those are delusions; and moreover, the very structure and foundation of the relationship, which is based off of the affair, is all one big lie. Here are some falsehoods:
You Are Having The Best Sex Of Your Life
Of course you’re probably having great sex, and there are good reasons for it. It’s the thrill of doing something naughty and wrong. It’s taboo and that makes it exciting. The mere fact that you know you could get caught can increase sexual feelings. When people are in the moment of heightened sexual intimacy, all judgment and rationality tend to be thrown out the window. Add to that a lowered inhibition, and fireworks are abound. But in reality, sex based on an affair is short-lived and fleeting, and it will most likely fizzle out before long. Think back to the honeymoon stage with your spouse or partner and you probably had the same heightened intimacy then as well. Sex based on love and respect is far better; not through an affair.
You Think You’ve Found Your Soulmate
They’re like no one else you’ve ever met. Not even your spouse. They “get” you, and you spend deep and meaningful conversations well into the early morning hours. The conversation flows so easily, and you always say the perfect things to each other. Bliss. This is an illusion. The “rush” and “euphoria” you’re feeling is a rush all right-a rush of chemicals saturating your brain with good feelings. When the brain is flooded with dopamine, the feel-good brain chemical, people feel various degrees of well-being, from contentment to euphoria. High dopamine levels may be related to the “high” people experience early in a love affair. People in love also tend to notice less need for sleep and have extra energy. Some scientists think it’s no coincidence that these are also common effects of amphetamines and cocaine, which alter the mind mainly by raising dopamine levels. But such a thing never lasts because once those chemicals wear off, you’ll look yourself in the mirror and find yourself right back where you started.
The very things that you are feeling-emotional connection, sex, “love”, empathy-are all the things you are more likely lacking in your life. And instead of searching for why those things are craving for attention, you’re seeking them in the arms of someone else.
