You all know there are some people who are in a new environment and like to meet different people. Their social skills are excellent, and they radiate self-confidence. But for others, making small talk is a challenge. Unfamiliar situations make them nervous, and social interactions make their hands sweat. Having conversations with people they don’t know well can be very intimidating.
This is known as shyness, and it is very common. People can be shy at work and more comfortable in private social settings, or even the opposite.
Shyness is the tendency to feel awkward, anxious, or tense when socializing, especially with unknown people. People who are very shy may experience physical symptoms such as a flushed face, sweating, a racing heart, or stomach ache; negative feelings about oneself; concerns about other people’s views of them; and the tendency to withdraw from social interaction.
Most people at least occasionally feel shy. However, some people’s shyness is so strong that it keeps them from interacting with others even if they want to or need to — which can lead to problems in relationships and work.
Shyness is an emotion that makes people uncomfortable or anxious in any social setting, and can be experienced by people of all ages. Shy people may have difficulty being authentic when connecting with strangers.
Struggles to relate to people caused by shyness can also lead to low self-esteem and low self-confidence. As a result, people may feel insecure about their shyness and more self-conscious, thereby creating a cycle of avoiding contact with others.
Even something as simple as making eye contact while chatting is often difficult for shy people. Other physical symptoms like unsafe body language, shortness of breath, and a flushed face are also signs of shyness.
At the same time, many people develop and succeed, even in business, even though they are shy. Meaning there are ways to manage the impact.
4 Types of Shyness
Each person is shy in their own way. Because there are different types of shyness, each person has different challenges to face if they want to overcome their shyness. There are 4 types of shyness explained by Dr. Jonathan Cheek, a psychology professor at Wellesley College.
Shy - Secure
When people have this type of shyness, they have a certain level of social anxiety, and they do not want to participate in most social settings. If they have the opportunity to make small talk with a stranger, they will do so, but only to a limited extent.
They are not very interested in meeting new people, and when the opportunity presents itself, they take it in stride.
Shy - Withdrawn
These people are more anxious in social situations than shy-secure people. They focus on the potential to be rejected and judged by those around them.
The shy-withdrawn type makes people question their abilities, experience imposter syndrome, and hesitate to speak or act because they are afraid they’ll do something wrong. They’re also susceptible to loneliness because they don’t want to put themselves out there.
Shy — Conflicted
Shy-conflicted people are eager for social interactions, but they feel anxious about them. They feel anxious in anticipation of social situations and go back and forth on whether they should withdraw or approach people. According to Cheek, this type usually has the most problems and the hardest time overcoming their shyness.
Shy - Dependent
This type of shyness appears when people want to socialize and improve their social skills, but they don’t put themselves first. Their friendships don’t last very long because they lack assertion and don’t speak up for themselves.
Why are some people shy? Some people may be born with shy tendencies and may be more likely to develop social anxiety disorder.
Even if humans are born genetically more susceptible to certain traits, whether or not these traits will become prevalent depends on the experiences you have had. These things can make you more likely to feel shy.
Parenting
Parents who are authoritarian or overprotective can cause children to become shy. Children who are not allowed to experience things may have difficulty developing social skills. Shy children and teens often perceive their parents as being too intrusive or controlling. Parents who prevent their children from experiencing failure or rejection are depriving their children of the opportunity to develop resilience, and exaggerating the importance of setbacks that commonly occur.
A traumatic life experience
Events in life that shake a person’s self-esteem can lead to feelings of shame. Illness, Divorce, financial difficulties, job loss can make a person question his or her worth and attractiveness. This can lead to tension, anxiety, and ultimately avoidance of social contact.
In adults, highly critical work environments and public humiliation can lead to embarrassment.
Difficult experiences in childhood or youth
The growing up period is full of vulnerable moments that can make previously confident children shy. Things such as bullying, teasing or being considered ‘different’ can certainly have an impact. School, environment, community, and culture all shape a child. The connections a child makes in these networks contribute to their development. Children of shy parents may imitate this behavior.
What Happens if The Shyness is Extreme?
Shy people can learn how to manage their feelings in order to pursue their interests, seek out new opportunities, and develop new relationships. But sometimes, shyness goes to the extreme, and it can mean more than just not enjoying a conversation with a stranger.
Maybe you’ve had a personal experience that reinforced your inhibitions about socializing or your instinct to avoid new situations — and this happens often.
For some people, extreme shyness is very difficult to overcome and prevent interaction with their environment. Shyness may correlate with mental health problems such as anxiety, social phobia, and depression.
Talking to a mental health professional can help people overcome shyness, especially if you feel your shyness has become too severe for you to deal with on your own or is caused by a mental health problem.
