“I didn’t expect dating after divorce to go the way it did.”
“I’ve been married for over 15 years, so I was totally out of touch with modern dating and didn’t know what to expect.”
“I had some assumptions about dating as an older widow with children. Most of them ended up being wrong.”
Whether it’s been 3 months, 4 years, or 10 years since you’ve been single, many previously married people are unsure how to get back into the dating world.
Even though this can be intimidating, you are not alone. There are many people who have been married before and went through the same thing. A study showed 65% of women started dating in the first year after separation or divorce. The same study found that women returning to the dating scene cited the fear of choosing the wrong person, not being able to trust others, and repeating dating patterns as their top concerns about re-entering the dating scene.
However, it is also an interesting opportunity to explore what you are looking for and find someone to share your life with.
You want to date, not “need” to date
Don’t use dating as a way to get over your ex — think of dating after divorce as a way to connect with potential friends (friends can be more valuable than dating after divorce)
You want to be in a place where you’re not dating out of spite or loneliness, and you’re willing to open yourself up to new potential partners. If you find yourself reactively using dating apps after learning your ex is in a new relationship, take a step back and consider whether this is best for you or not. Rely on friends and loved ones if you feel lonely, rather than trying to fill the void by forcing yourself into a new relationship.
You’ve come to terms with the end of your last relationship
Divorce may leave you feeling angry, sad, or other strong emotions. Carrying these emotions into your next relationship can hinder your chances of finding the best match for you.
The key is to come to terms with your past and leave your history where it belongs, behind you. This will make you radiate positive vibes which will attract great partners and quality people who are a good match for you. You’ll want to start your new dating journey on the right foot and build a healthy relationship, so you’ll need to grieve and process your last relationship first. Whether through time, therapy, or talking to friends and support groups, leaving strong emotions behind will allow you to open up to new people.
Dating apps are a good place to start
Dating apps or online dating are a great place to start — even if you’re not sure about it!
Many of these are free and much more affordable than other options, like dating agencies or private matchmaking. You can also choose specific dating apps or sites based on what you’re looking for, for example, casual vs. casual relationships. long-term, religious, profession or shared interests, etc.
Another reason to use this app is that you can decide who is worth investing your time in dating. With practice, you can make your own judgment based on their profile and initial messages without setting your own dates and times.
Be careful if you’re dating after a divorce and have kids
The privilege of meeting your children should be given to a partner with whom you have long-term prospects, who have proven that they can be trusted. Experts say that at least 6 months is a good time for you to determine if your new partner is worth introducing to your kids. Meeting a parent’s new love interest can be an emotional experience for some children. Provide space to validate your child’s emotions as well.
Before introducing your child to someone, it is a good idea to discuss with them about the new person and vice versa.
Women must maintain their sexual integrity
Some divorced church members try to convince themselves that God’s command not to have sex doesn’t apply to them — that it does apply to those who are not married. However, Scripture clearly says that no matter whether one is married or not, sex with someone other than your spouse is still fornication (I Thessalonians 4:3, I Corinthians 6:9).
Don’t wait to set practical boundaries, such as not staying at your date’s house overnight. You can also form an accountability group consisting of people who know and love you. That way, when you feel tempted, you can ask them for prayer and support.
Realize that when you commit to remaining single until you remarry, there may be some people who will try to convince you that you are being unreasonable. If a date is stressing you out, don’t compromise. Maintaining sexual integrity is not an option, it is a must.
