Male cheat more than female. While this may come as cold comfort to female scorned, it is crucial to note that, psychologically speaking, most men don’t engage in cheating with the same intention as women do. Cheaters, specifically repeat cheaters, tend to be opportunistic and capable of emotional compartmentalization. So, why do married men cheat?
Discovering a spouse has cheated on you can be devastating. You might feel angry, hurt, sad, or even physically sick. But above all, you might be wondering “Why?”
A 2017 research published in The Journal of Sex Research set out to explore this very topic. The research used an online survey to ask 495 people who had cheated in a romantic relationship about the reasons for their infidelity.
Participants included 259 women, 213 men, and 23 people who did not state their gender.
They were:
- mostly heterosexual (87.9 percent)
- not necessarily in a relationship (only 51.8 percent reported being in some type of romantic relationship)
- mostly young adults (average age was 20 years old)
There are many reasons why married people cheat. Upwards of 40% of couples are impacted by infidelity,1 and despite the high percentage, most people, even those who stray, will say that cheating is wrong.
Risk factors such as personality disorders and childhood issues, as well as opportunities such as social media and poor boundaries, can increase the chance that one of these reasons will actually lead to some type of affair.
Frustration in the marriage is one of the common trigger; the cheater may make spme attempts to solve the problems to no avail. Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention is given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings.
Healthy male who cheat occasionally on their partners are not pathological. While chronic cheaters pursue infidelity because of deeper-rooted attachment disorders and sex addictions, healthier male cheat out of immaturity. Most male fall somewhere in the middle between being absolutely faithful and having cheated once, realizing it was immature and learning from it.
The truth is that all sorts of dynamics can play into a man’s decision to engage in infidelity. Generally, though, his choice to cheat is trigger by one or more of the following factors:
- Insecurity: He may feel as if he is too old or too young, not handsome enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, etc. (An astonishing amount of male cheating is linked, at least in part, to a mid-life crisis.) To bolster his flagging ego, he search validation from women other than his mate, using this sextracurricular spark of interest to feel desired, wanted, and worthy.
- Immaturity: If he doesn’t have a lot of experience in committed relationships, or if man doesn’t fully understand that his actions will inevitably have consequences like hurting his spouse, he may think it is fine to have sexual adventures. He might think of his commitment to monogamy as a jacket that he can put on or take off as he pleases, depending on the circumstances.
- Selfishness: It’s possible that man’s primary consideration is for himself and himself alone. Man can therefore lie and keep secrets without remorse or regret, as long as it gets him what he wants. It’s possible he never intended to be monogamous. Rather than seeing his vow of monogamy as a sacrifice made to and for his relationship, he views it as something to be avoided and worked around.
