Most of us are familiar with the term “misogyny.” Today, we regularly hear it in conversation. And we regularly see it all over social media. And yet, misogyny, or misogynist, is largely misunderstood.
The dictionary defines misogyny as a hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women, said Jill A. Stoddard, PhD, a psychologist and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management in San Diego. The word, she noted, has Greek origins: “misein,” meaning “to hate,” and gynē, meaning “woman.” However, misogyny goes beyond despising all or even most women.
Misogyny is everywhere. Or at least “misogyny” is everywhere. The word, which conventionally means hatred of women, was once a radical accusation. But recently, it seems to have eclipsed the gentler “sexism” and “chauvinism” in popular use. It’s now unremarkable to find “misogyny” in a headline, much less a tweet.
On one end of the spectrum, the term is used to describe societal inequity, evidenced by things such as the gendered wage gap in the United States, the difficulties women have in finding adequate medical care and the career-destroying prerogatives of men like Les Moonves.
What does misogyny look like? According to Stoddard, “incels,” a group of “involuntary celibates,” are a clear example. “They see women as objects and feel entitled to engage in sexual interactions with them. They believe women who reject them are evil and do not take responsibility for their role in being rejected by women — that role being their sexist attitudes toward women.”
How do you know if you are in a misogynistic relationship? Here are a few telltale signs:
- The man believes he has the “God-given” right to control the thoughts and actions of his wife, to demand total obedience, and to punish or threaten her if she resists.
- He uses the Bible and church doctrine to justify his actions. He quickly skips over the “servant leadership” model of a husband and obsesses on the duties of the wife. He adds punishment to his role as a husband even though the scriptures do not give him such authority or control.
- He believes that her opinions and feelings have no value, and her needs are not important and should not be considered.
- He is charming and well-liked at church, but the family has to walk on eggshells to prevent making him angry.
- He yells, threatens, hits or sulks when he does not get his way or when she does something to displease him.
- She feels confused and off-balance when without warning he changes from being loving and kind to angry and cruel.
- No matter how much she changes or tries to please him, he is never satisfied. She feels inadequate and guilty, and believes it must be her fault. She no longer trusts her own perceptions and wonders if she is going crazy.
- He is possessive and sometimes jealous, especially when she talks and associates with other men. Sometimes he acts jealous of the time she spends with the children. He may try to restrict her activities and make her a prisoner in her own home.
- Because of his possessiveness, she may disassociate from family and friends in order to keep him happy. She needs these relationships, but it is more important for her to keep the peace.
- When anything goes wrong, he always blames her. If she were more submissive, more sensitive to his needs, more like so-and-so’s wife, a better mother, etc. then all their problems would be solved. He sees himself as a good husband for putting up with her. He is blind to his own faults and does not take responsibility for his own actions.
