Ask people what they think about stay-at-home mothers (SAHMs) and you’ll likely get a wide range of answers. Some people may say that their lives are easy, or that life at home with children would be boring. Some people may think they are lazy or not contributing much to society. Others argue that stay-at-home parents were the best decision of their lives and that they made a noble and worthwhile sacrifice to stay home and care for their children.
Being a stay-at-home mom is exhilarating and exhausting, fulfilling and thankless, rewarding and lonely, entertaining and (dare I say) boring all at the same time. There are worries and burdens in my heart. And it’s so confusing to feel all of these things. Especially when the world tells you things like “have fun; it went really fast” and “I don’t know how you do it” and “You’re really busy.”
So you’re second guessing yourself. You worry about money and wonder if you’ll have another hour to yourself. You are grateful to have the privilege of being able to choose this path of motherhood, but you also sometimes feel very unappreciated and singled out.
Becoming a housewife does not require endless self-sacrifice and martyrdom. Your needs matter too. In fact, meeting your needs is important to being able to fulfill your little one’s needs.
When I was a stay-at-home mom, I spent way too much time worrying about what other people thought of my choices. Are they going to think I eat bon-bons all day? Would they think I was “wasting” my education? Would they judge me for making this choice? Or will they judge me if I make different choices?
People are usually too busy worrying about their own choices to spend a lot of time thinking about yours. However, none of those potential assessments or opinions matter. The only thing that matters is if this is the right choice for you and your family. Becoming a SAHM may not be the right choice for other mothers, and that’s okay. Good for you, not me. This is true whether you are a mom who works outside the home, a stay-at-home mom, a work-from-home mom, or a combination of these. Being a mother isn’t the same for everyone, and neither is how you spend your days.
Changes in Life due to the Pandemic
Lockdowns in response to the COVID-19 pandemic resulted in office and school closures. This causes many working parents to lose their jobs or switch to working from home. At the same time, parents need to take on additional responsibilities in parenting and supervising their child’s schooling. This radical and often overwhelming life shift causes many working parents to reduce their work hours or quit their jobs completely and become de facto stay-at-home parents.
Research shows that shifts in employment and childcare responsibilities impact women more than men. These changes lead to increased stress, burnout, and anxiety, as well as loss of income.
As the pandemic subsides, some parents are choosing to stay home, while others are returning to work in the office, switching to part-time jobs, changing careers, or starting their own businesses. However, there are also those who have difficulty returning to work.
The pandemic derailed or sidetracked careers, especially for women who bore the brunt of school and daycare closures. Many parents, especially mothers, did not have the opportunity to choose how to balance their work and life commitments. This lack of control can cause fatigue and stress.
Societal pressure makes many women feel like they can’t win, whether they carry a diaper bag or a briefcase all day. Whether you work or stay at home, stop feeling like you failed as a parent. There is a trade-off to every decision you make.
If you think about it, opinions are just opinions. Make the right choice for you and your family and don’t worry about what strangers, neighbors, relatives or scientists will think. Their opinion cannot tell you for certain what is going on in your family. Ultimately, value what’s best for you and your family — and keep in mind that these circumstances are individual and may change over time.
If you are considering whether or not to be a stay-at-home parent, what matters most is what is best for your family. So first and foremost, consider your personal beliefs, priorities, finances, and lifestyle.
