There are few areas of life that are more feared and debated than marriage. I recently heard a statistic from an educator in Alabama that in one of the Birmingham counties, 93% of people never want to get married.
If you grew up in a broken home, or a household where you had a married mother and father who had little affection, you may not be excited about getting married.
On the other hand, if you had fun as a teenager and call yourself a “kid” in your 30s, you probably aren’t looking forward to marriage either, but for very different reasons. Many young people have witnessed the hardships of marriage, so they avoid it.
So how is marriage actually? Perhaps you’re reading this, and you’re thinking, Everything is fine. But I have never seen a marriage that was super healthy. Maybe you want to know more about what a wedding really is. You want a ground level perspective. You want your fears overcome and common myths dispelled.
Marriage is full of romance, but it is not an endless romance party.
If you watch romantic comedies, you might get the impression that couples are gliding through life together, holding hands, looking into each other’s eyes for minutes without looking away,, standing on a windy hill. There are bound to be seasons of romance and joy. This is part of God’s good design. Sexual attraction and passion are not created by the devil, but by God. Enjoy the blessings of sexual pleasure. It is the divine mind, not the lowly mind, that creates romance and pleasure.
But life is not one long romantic comedy. One partner is feeling extra romantic one evening, while the other just wants to end a long day. Interest in sex and emotional togetherness varies among couples. Men have a greater sex drive on average, although the opposite is true in some marriages; women on average crave more intimacy and emotional conversation than men, although in some cases it is the opposite. No matter what, marriage doesn’t mean endless fun and romance-driven satisfaction.
Marriage is good, not bad. If you are called to marriage, then first you need to know that it is God’s gift to mankind. Our culture today makes us think that marriage is full of conflict, and generally boring. What happened was exactly the opposite.
When God brings a man and a woman together, gives them love for each other and inspires them to covenant together as partners until death do them part, we are witnessing something profound and extraordinary.
Marriage is an amazing institution, involving your whole body and soul.
Marriage involves a deliberate relationship, and marital happiness does not happen by chance.
Marriage, of course contrary to what movies, television and breathless newlyweds say, is not an alternative state. When you marry, you don’t hover an inch off the ground. In other words, you can’t just marry. You must put your heart and soul into it. Husbands must intentionally and be willing to sacrifice to love their wives. Wives must be willing to sacrifice themselves and submit to their husbands and happily follow them.
No marriage is easy. Whether it seems hard or easy to the onlooker, every marriage requires constant work and constant investment. If your marriage (future or present) is to thrive, you must put your heart and soul into it. If you know otherwise from Hollywood or romance novels, it’s time to get back to reality.
In short, marriage is a blast. It is a gift. You can wake up every day feeling grateful that God led you to marriage, and that God gave you a wonderful partner that you admire and love. But it should also be a moment when you are ready to face the work that is in front of you. In other words, you can’t fall victim to thinking that marriage is some kind of easy-to-do dream sequence. You have to resolve, the moment your feet hit the ground, that today, from now on, you will give your all to your partner.
In reality, marriage is war. A married couple fights together against their egos and temptations. They do not let any of these enemies steal the happiness that God has given to married couples. They avoid living in the clouds and mistake their partner for their target. We don’t live in a romantic comedy as husband and wife. We also don’t experience tragedy. We are free to enjoy marriage.
