Breakups of any kind can be arduous and painful. Ideally, moving forward and healing from the emotional wounds that come with the end of a romantic relationship would be straightforward and clear-cut. However, in reality, moving on from an ex is sometimes an agonizing process, and how long it takes to get over a breakup depends on the individual and the specific situation. If you feel stuck and unable to untangle yourself from the emotional tie to your ex, here are some of the most likely reasons you can’t get over your ex and why it’s taking an extraordinarily long time to move on from particular relationships.
You can’t face the fact that it’s over
A lot of singles can’t completely come to terms that it’s over. So you’re maybe holding to the idea that you can still fix it. You don’t want to let go because you’re focusing on the positive times [in the relationship] and you’re not really focused on where you went wrong and why the relationship ended.
Sometimes people can’t accept that a relationship’s over because they didn’t see the end coming. They may not have noticed the signs that it was starting to fail. So you refuse to start over because you’ve invested so much time into this relationship that you just can’t get over them.
Low self-esteem
It’s that fear that you’re never going to find anybody again and it’s a major fear. And it’s scary getting back out there, especially if you’ve been in a long-term relationship. And because people are comfortable with the familiar, it makes it all that much harder to let go.
You believe that you’re never going to get that again. So you’d rather fix it and work on it when really you can’t change someone else’s mind. Once they tap out, it’s pretty much done.
You’re keeping tabs on them
Social media has made it easier for people to keep track of those they know. This can be a problem.
You’re still kind of creeping them on social media and maybe you share common friends. You haven’t removed them from your Facebook and you haven’t removed the old photos of you as a couple. You can’t get over your ex because you haven’t removed them fully from your life.
You haven’t had closure
Maybe your boyfriend ghosted you or just all of a sudden told you it’s over and hadn’t given you an explanation. So you haven’t had that closure that you needed in order to move forward. Whether it be with relationships, a job or a stage in life, getting closure for any significant moment in one’s life is important.
Closure means finality; letting go of what once was. Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened and an honouring of the transition away from what’s finished to something new.
To do this, Brenner says one must grieve the loss, take responsibility for their actions, focus on the positives and make a plan for the immediate future. This, she says, will force you to make things happen and move on.
