You may have received an email informing you that your bank account has reached $0.
Every “zero dollar balance” notification might remind you of something you perceive as an even greater failure — that you’ve been living in debt for as long as you’ve been able to choose. You celebrate your adulthood the American way, by sipping beer and signing student loan documents.
You’ve dabbled in various debts in the decade since. You’re still withholding some residual taxes from your years as an independent contractor and not being able to pay rent, buy groceries, and make estimated payments up front. Then there are the car payments and credit cards. You spend most of your life paying down balances and interest since you become a parent.
As I write this, a stack of billing documents sits on my desk for medical procedures not covered by insurance. Soon, I will have 20/20 vision to help me see all the new bills that come in.
For a long time, I believed that my debt was the defining characteristic of my character. We often internalize our net worth as our self-worth, as if the numbers in our bank account qualify us to be more or less human than other people.
Even when we fall into so-called “good debt” to pursue education, start a business, or buy a car, these things may not be good enough. I was told that pursuing a creative writing degree would mean I was wasting money, and that this was a bad kind of debt. This made me believe that my interests were worthwhile, that I was only valuable, if my life trajectory prioritized profit over pleasure. However, in fact, this is very wrong.
The only reason anyone would use debt as an assessment tool is because debt is such an obvious indicator. However, what happens is that debt is a man-made concept and not a moral or ethical quality. This idea is increasingly obscured by a capitalist society that criminalizes poverty and rewards wealth with more wealth. Even the seemingly healthy “American dream” was created to encourage spending — homes, gadgets, insured minivans full of insured children — many things that are now beyond the reach of our generation.
I’m not saying anybody likes debt. This is something some of you are dealing with — whether it’s in the form of credit cards, student loans, or car payments. But regardless of whether it was intentional or not, it’s time to stop the cycle of judgment and shame because it will only harm you further.
The first step is to allow yourself to feel what you feel — because money is emotional. This can influence where you sleep, what you eat, where you go, and how you spend your time. This is closely related to your existence in this modern world, and it is normal to feel vulnerable when money is hard to come by.
I’ve found that certain types of debt are less important than others and can be met in a healthier way through measured, steady responses. You can acknowledge the heavy emotional and financial burden of debt while still coping.
Then, you can remember the agency that you have. I found empathetic friends who would drink cheap coffee and eat spaghetti at home with me — because spending time together was more important than spending money. If I find myself burdened with personal finance advice that I can’t afford, it’s a good time to practice affordable self-care, or find ways to explore embodiment and be grounded in the moment.
When I’m feeling particularly floaty, I’ll look at even the biggest expenses from a gratitude perspective. But you can’t always force this, and that’s OK. What you can do is consider what you already have apart from money: friends and family, photos and memories. Remembering what brings you joy beyond your paycheck brings you back to who you are apart from your routing number.
You may lose all your money, but you cannot lose your ability to make money. There’s certainly a lot to unpack around the ability to make money, and it’s not always that simple, but I enjoy the sentiment. So I have updated it:
We can lose what we have, but we can’t lose who we are.
You have more value than just your net worth — you are not just a number on a page, you are a valuable, unique person. And despite facing scarcity, you remain whole.
